happy_dsign | [For Wilke] Communication is important

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[For Wilke] Communication is important

Daphne wasn't specifically looking for Wilke, but he'd been on her mind in the last few days, and not in a good way, or at least not in the way she'd prefer to have him on her mind. The awkwardness between them wasn't just going to go away on its own, she knew. It was time for them to have a serious conversation, as much as those sucked to have.

When she spotted him on the beach, she decided there was no time like the present--although she did allow herself a few minutes to psyche herself up and to watch him as he moved, playing lacrosse with the waves. She smiled, her eyes running appreciatively over his body, then squared her shoulders and moved purposefully across the beach. "Wilke!"

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Wilke spun the stick in his hands, keeping the ball nestled in the netting as he turned around, smiling as she approached. He put the stick down and signed a hello. "What brings you out to the beach?"

"Oh, the view, mostly," Daphne replied, signing with a little grin that faded quickly. "Actually...I want to talk to you."

The smile her first comment put on his face, fled just as quickly as hers did and a pit formed in his stomach like he'd swallowed a lead balloon. "I don't think any good conversation has started that way."

Daphne tried to smile but didn't quite make it. "You're probably right, but we still should talk." She gestured toward a shady spot beneath a tree along the edge of the beach.

The lead balloon was growing by the second and he was starting to wonder if he'd look pregnant soon. "All right."

He grabbed his bag and stick, carrying them both over as they walked to the spot she indicated and sat. "What's on your mind?"

Daphne wrapped her arms around her knees and looked out at the water for a minute, trying to figure out where to start. Then she looked over at him and started signing. "I don't like what's happening to us lately. Things are...I don't know. Uncomfortable. And I was hoping that maybe, if we talk about it, it will get...less...uncomfortable."

Not as bad as he feared. Not the news that she'd...yeah, he really didn't want to go anywhere near that thought.

Still, it wasn't a conversation he really wanted to have, either.

"Okay," he said, because he didn't know what else to say.

Daphne nodded and looked at him expectantly for a few seconds. "So...what's wrong?" she finally prompted. She knew in general what was bothering him, but without more information, she didn't know how to fix it.

Wilke let the loaded question sit for a moment, mulling over how to say it. The problem was, there wasn't an easy way to articulate the proclamation he'd been given. "I guess I'm still a little stunned by it all, Daphne."

"It's been like, two months. Things aren't getting better. I don't know what to do," Daphne answered, biting her lip, her signing faster than she usually used when speaking to him as her emotion rose.

Luckily, they'd spent so much time together that he understood the signs as much as the speech and it had become natural to sign and speak back. "I don't know what to do either. It's like anything I say makes me sound like a complete dick, but I thought we were getting closer, then you tell me you want to date another guy. It was kind of a kick to the gut. So, I dunno, Daph. Is it going the way you wanted it, seeing the other guy, too?"

Daphne shrugged a little, glancing away. "Not really. We haven't even really had a date or anything, just hung out. He's teaching me how to surf." She sighed, looking frustrated. She knew he had a good point, but she had been up front with him, right from the beginning, and now she felt almost like she was being punished for it--and for what? She'd traded awkwardness with Kon for awkwardness with Wilke.

"He hasn't even kissed me," she muttered without signing, staring at her hands and blinking quickly a few times.

"Well, thats...," Wilke trailed off because he didn't know what it was. He had no experience with anything like this. "I don't know what it is, to be honest." One hand came up and ran through his hair as he searched for words.

"I mean, put yourself in my place for a second? After the night we had...can you honestly tell me that if I'd come to you and said there was a girl I really liked and wanted to take out, that you'd have just smiled and said 'sure, go for it, have fun'?"

Daphne was quiet for a minute. "I don't know," she replied softly. "I probably wouldn't have been thrilled. But it's not like I've ever lied to you, or jerked you around. When this started, I told you that I didn't want to be serious with anyone. And after I talked to Kon, I told you what was going on, I didn't try to hide it. What else can I do, Wilke?" She was trying not to cry, she really was, but she could feel tears stinging her eyes anyway. She didn't want to lose him, but she couldn't keep doing this, pretending it was okay when he shut her down, ignoring it in the hope that it would get better.

Wilke heard the tears in her voice, saw them in her eyes and felt worse, something he hadn't thought possible just a few minutes ago. "Yeah, you did tell me that. And you were straight up about your decisions, I'm not faulting you for that. I guess I'm just pissed at myself for drawing wrong conclusions, for assuming that our getting closer meant you'd had a change of heart about the serious thing. I was wrong, and that's on me for not making sure. And, yeah, my ego took a pretty big hit...that's not the easiest thing to just set aside."

That just made Daphne want to cry even more, but it was hard to read lips or follow signs if her eyes were blurred with tears, so she swiped a hand across her eyes, rubbing the evidence away before it could run down her face. "I'm sorry," she said softly, reaching for his hand, aching to try to get the connection back that felt like it was slipping away, day by day. "I still care about you. You're important to me. I didn't want this to change anything between us, although I guess that was pretty unrealistic." She squeezed his hand, shifting just a little closer though she was still wary of rejection. "So what now?" Of course, she knew she could make Wilke happy by just ending things with Kon before they really started, but that would make Kon miserable and would probably end up with her second-guessing the decision and maybe ending up with her resenting Wilke for it. She didn't want to do that. She knew she couldn't keep dating them both forever, but she at least wanted to see what happened with Kon, how things developed or if they even developed, since they both currently seemed to be stuck in a place where no one dared take the next step.

Clearly this wasn't the only serious conversation she needed to have. Goody.

Watching her struggle with this, a girl he knew tackled everything head on and never broke for anything much less asked for help, felt like someone was shoving a steel bar through his chest. Every tear she wiped from her cheek just twisted that bar a little deeper.

Wilke reached over and cupped her cheek in his hand. "I don't know, Daphne. I wish I did. You obviously feel something strong for Kon; if you didn't, you'd have told him you were seeing someone when he asked you out and that would have been that. I think you need to make sure of just what it is you feel for him before you do anything else. I'll...I'll try to be better about understanding it all in the meantime."

Daphne nodded, swallowing hard. "I never wanted to hurt you," she promised quietly, pressing her cheek into his hand, her eyes downcast for a moment before she had to look up again in case he replied. She covered his hand with hers. "You're important to me. Don't ever doubt that."

Wilke brushed his thumb over her cheek. "You're important to me, too, Daph. Have been for a long time."

That, more than the boredom, was the hardest part about coming here. He'd taken a six month jump backwards on this particularly crappy emotional roller coaster.Here he thought the worst moment would have been Joey's, or when she'd shot him the big puppy eyes about Emmett's fund raising shit.

But that was different. He wasn't about to hold this Daphne accountable for shit she hadn't done yet. Christ, it all gave him a headache.

"I know." Daphne took a deep breath, composing herself. "And I'm sorry this is so hard for you. It wasn't supposed to be." She bit her lip, feeling more confused than when they'd started, but she was still glad she'd brought it up. Talking about it was definitely better than ignoring it.

"I'm trying, Daphne," Wilke said with as much of a smile as he could manage, "guess I've just got to try harder."

And in the spirit of trying harder, he asked a question that had pretty much been lodged in his throat since this whole thing began. "So. How is it going with him?"

Daphne shook her head and sighed. "I don't know. It's not." She knew Wilke wasn't the person to whine to about her relationship troubles with Kon, but he had asked, so she wasn't going to lie, either. "I don't know what's going on. We hang out. It's not much different than before." Aside from a heightened tension behind the flirting that they'd always done, but she didn't think he wanted to know about that.

Wilke had no idea how that made him feel. He'd spent two months of this walking on eggshells with Daphne and the prick was...what? Waiting for an engraved invitation? If he thought there was a way he could talk to the dick without using his face as a punching bag, he'd be seeking the guy out to ask what, exactly, his fucking deal was.

"Oh," he laughed, a little hollowly. "I'm sorry just doesn't seem like the right thing to say, or it doesn't feel right anyway. I guess I don't understand it. Why ask if he's not going to act on it or anything?"

"No, I don't think I'm sorry is right," Daphne agreed, then shrugged. "I wish I knew," she muttered, shaking her head, then leaned it on his shoulder for a few seconds. "It's not your problem, though," she added as she lifted her head again. "I just want us to be okay."

Wilke didn't agree with that so much, since all of this affected him, too, but that was just retracing the past and he wasn't a real fan of going in circles.

Still, he couldn't keep from tracing his finger down her cheek. "I want that, too."

Daphne closed her eyes, his light touch nearly enough to undo her all over again. "Do you think we can be?" she asked, her voice husky with the emotion she was trying to keep in check as she opened her eyes, giving him a look that was both scared and hopeful.

Wilke wanted to say yes, wanted to say it and mean it. At the same time, he didn't want to lie to her, either. He was still ego-shaken from losing out to the possibility of another guy...again. "I think so," he said instead. "Unless you find what you're looking for with him."

Daphne shook her head. "I don't even know what I'm looking for," she admitted. That was part of the problem--and part of why she didn't want to get serious with anyone. "Can we just make out now?" She knew it had been good that they'd talked, that they'd needed to, but she didn't want to talk anymore, and especially didn't want to go over her Kon woes with Wilke.

"As much as we can on a beach," Wilke said after a long moment's silence, during which he called himself several choice names, none of them very flattering. Then he opened his arms to her.

Maybe it was selfish of her to ask, but she'd had enough being an adult for now. She moved into his arms eagerly, cupping his cheek as she kissed him softly a few times, then harder, deeper, pressing against him and trying not to think any more.

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[For Wilke] Communication is important

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